Cowboys & Aliens

Although one of my favorite movies of all time is a Western, I tend not to like them as a genre. Tombstone ranked as my favorite film for the longest, but not because it was a Western, but because of the supremely awesome acting of everyone involved, and they just happened to be telling a fact based story that was set in the Old West era of America. Val Kilmer's performance as Doc Holliday is reason enough to watch the film, and all else on hand do a fine job as well, I'm surprised that it didn't garner any awards. But no other film of that particular genre has interested me, in fact, I'm not really all that big on "period pieces" as a whole. On the other hand, I dig a really good alien flick, whether it be of the invasion type like Independence Day, or something a little more subtle like Enemy Mine. There have been Westerns produced that have sci-fi elements, like Wild, Wild West, but that was a horrible movie, and on paper, the idea of bringing a Western and an Alien flick together sounds pretty ridiculous. Cowboys & Aliens wasn't on my radar at all, I had heard about it, mainly from my movie muse, Totally Mental Mommy, but hadn't watched any trailers for it, and might have given it a chance once it hit DVD. Yet the opportunity arose to see it in theatres and I said, "What the hell."

Like I said, the idea of a Western and Alien flick mash-up seemed pretty ridiculous to me on the outset, I figured it was going to go the route of cheese-ball, even though it had some significant Hollywood muscle attached to it, both in front of and behind the camera. Like any typical male, I hate to admit that I am wrong, but I enjoyed being wrong this time. The trailer lays out the story pretty straight-forward, Jake Lonergan (Daniel Craig) wakes up in the desert, with no memory and a strange, metallic device attached to his wrist. He eventually makes his way into the nearest town, where it is discovered that he is actually a wanted fugitive, for various crimes. The town sheriff, played by David Carradine, locks Lonergan up and summons U.S. Marshals to come collect him, and another prisoner, Percy Dolarhyde (Paul Dano), who is son of the local cattle baron Colonel Woodrow Dolarhyde (Harrison Ford), known in the area not only for his war efforts, but also for being a rather stern individual. Dolarhyde rides into town, demanding that his son and Lonergan be turned over to him, since it turns out that Lonergan had just robbed Dolarhyde of some gold. A stand-off ensues, and as tensions mount, strange lights appear in the sky. As the townsfolk watch in awe, the metallic device attached to Lonergan's wrist lights up and begins to beep. The approaching lights turn out to be flying craft, and they promptly start blowing up the town. Naturally, the townsfolk lose their collective marbles, so to speak.

"Hey Mel, wanna lose our marbles?"   "Way ahead of you, buddy!"             

During the attack several people are taken by the aliens, including the Sheriff and Percy Dolarhyde. Lonergan manages to use the device strapped to his wrist to bring one of the ships down, but its pilot escapes into the night. They discover the pilot was wounded in the crash and Dolarhyde's right-hand man, an Indian named Nat Colorado (Adam Beach) says they can track it. A posse is formed in the morning and rides out to find the alien pilot, and hopefully the rest of the towns-folk, while Lonergan rides out to a cabin and has a flashback that reveals him returning to the cabin with Dolarhyde's gold, right before the aliens attack and capture him and a woman he was with in the cabin. He then re-joins the rest of the posse, and as per my "no spoilers" rule, I leave it there to stop from revealing any more crucial plot points. I will say that the rest of the movie manages to keep you entertained and has a few good little plot twists along the way.

"I see what you did there."

Now, here comes the rub, I can't rate this movie higher than I'm going to, because it has one huge, glaring flaw: besides the name Cowboys & Aliens being the title, this film has absolutely nothing to do with the comic book that it is based on, and if you know me, that's a big no-no for a movie adaptation. While what was presented was a great movie with faithful elements of both Westerns and Alien movies, the story in the pages would have been interesting to see on-screen. All the actors put on good performances, I especially liked Ford's portrayal of the hard-ass Dolarhyde, and the special effects were top notch. The reason the aliens are there is a little flimsy, but the rest of the plot stands up pretty well. You also don't have to worry about a heavy-handed love story getting dropped into the middle of the action, there are romantic elements, but they aren't strong enough to effect the pace of the film. I say check it out at least in theatres at a matinee price, or some sort of discounted showing, it's worth seeing on the big screen, but not at full price.

7 out of 10 Fists.

Hobo With A Shotgun

Truth in advertising goes a long way. It has long been illegal in the United States (and many other countries) to falsely advertise  your product and/or service in order to sell more of it. It would be the equivalent of myself telling the general public that everyone who reads my blog will get a free car. I certainly can't provide a single car, much less multitudes for the five people who may read it, so that, in effect, makes it false advertising. There are ways to circumnavigate the laws in place, which are just as unscrupulous, but not quite as illegal, that are practiced by certain folks, but there are no laws in place that regulate the movie industry in promoting their movies as what they actually are, most recently the teaser ads for The Muppets creatively started out advertising as one type of movie before revealing their true face. This was cool. The trailer for Bridge to Terabithia advertised a whimsical kid's movie in the vein of The Chronicles of Narnia, and what movie-goers got was a terribly depressing movie about the death of one of the major characters. Not so cool. This brings us to our latest film, Hobo With A Shotgun.

 

 

Hobo With A Shotgun is the second movie to come out of the "fake" trailers that were featured in the film Grindhouse, the first being Machete in 2010. It stars B-movie veteran and character actor Rutger Hauer (The Hitcher, Buffy the Vampire Slayer) as The Hobo, who rolls into Hope Town on a train and with a dream. He wants to buy a lawnmower from the pawn shop and start up a lawn-mowing business, but first needs to get the $49.99 for the mower. Unfortunately for The Hobo, Hope Town is under the cruel regime of The Drake, who starts the movie by murdering his own brother, in a very creative way. Helping their dear old dad in the murder are Slick and Ivan, the just-as-crazy sons of The Drake. The Hobo witnesses this and many other atrocities, at one point stopping the assault of a hooker named Abby at the hands of Slick, making a "citizen's arrest" and taking him to the police station, whereupon he learns that the only people they "protect and serve" are The Drake and his family. Ivan and Slick track The Hobo down and brutalize him, after which he is found and taken in by Abby, who then tends to his wounds. The next day, The Hobo goes to the pawn shop to buy the lawnmower (I won't tell you how he gets the money), and while there, three thugs burst in to rob the place and take a woman and her baby hostage. It is this moment that The Hobo makes his decision that Hope Town needs a savior, and opts for the $49.99 shotgun instead of the lawnmower, which is inexplicably fully loaded right off the rack, and dispatches the robbers in gleeful, gory glory. Then, after he has killed the thugs, he walks up to the counter and hands the clerk his $49.99. He is an honest hobo, I must say you don't see very many of those these days.

Can YOU spot the honest hobo?

From there, our Hobo goes out and seeks sweet shotgun justice on all the evils of Hope Town's streets, including (but not limited to) a Santa-clad pedophile, a "Bum Fight" videographer, and a stereotypical black pimp. All of this vengeance is carried out on-screen in it's goriest best, there's more blood per frame than three Friday the 13th movies put together. Eventually, The Hobo inspires the rest of the town-folk to clean up their city, much to the chagrin of The Drake, who has his progeny torch a school-bus full of kids with a flamethrower, just to scare the people back in line. He then declares open season on ALL hobos, and the people, just as quickly as they rallied behind The Hobo, form roaming, murderous mobs that exterminate the homeless of all shapes, sizes and ages. Meanwhile, The Hobo and Abby are holed up at Abby's place, preparing to leave town to go start the lawn-mowing business in a hopefully friendlier town. They get dimed out while they are there, and Ivan and Slick show up to take care of business, and that's when things get really messy. We get to see some creative use of many things in this exchange involving toasters, ice skates, duct tape and The Hobo's trusty shotgun, with a particularly nasty scene involving a hacksaw.

Hacksaws: made to cut metal. Great on flesh, too.

So, let's face it, as far as truth in advertising goes, Hobo With A Shotgun says it all up-front. It perfectly represents the B-movie film culture it is paying homage to while still crafting something a little original. The violence is over-the-top, and there is more blood spilled on-screen than there is in the populace of some small countries, but this film never tries to be more than the gory, entertaining thrill ride it set out to be. I've seen some feature length movies that have been based on a much wider license that have totally failed to deliver, and for this film to have sprung forth from a two minute fake trailer in another movie, I say damn good job. So far, the two movies based on fake trailers have been better than the movie the trailers appeared in.

7 out of 10 Fists.

Thor

Anyone who knows me personally knows that I am an unabashed comics geek. I can remember looking at my first comic back in the early '80s, it was a Spider-Man book, and although I don't recall the story in the pages, or really even remember what the cover looked like, it kicked off what has been a passion since then. Often featuring smart stories surrounded by gorgeous artwork, comics have had a long, hard road to the current mainstream success they are enjoying across all forms of media: the original printed versions, movie and video game adaptations, television shows, you can even read old back issues and classics on the web without having to shell out hundreds (sometimes thousands) of dollars just to peek inside the cover. Recently, comics publishing giant Marvel Comics was acquired by the even bigger Disney family, allowing them to re-acquire all the rights to their characters they had previously licensed to other film companies. The result of this has been the creation of The Marvel Cinematic Universe, in which characters from their own films cross-over and appear in other characters stories, interweaving them into a grand story-telling tapestry, much like the printed versions do. The first major project has been the assembling of "The Avengers", a super-hero team rich with history from the pages that features some of Marvel's biggest names. Thus far, films have been produced featuring team members such as Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, and, very recently, Captain America, with other characters popping up in those films to tie them more neatly together, most notably Samuel L. Jackson as Sgt. Nick Fury, leader of S.H.I.E.L.D., and Scarlett Johansson as The Black Widow. The character getting his big screen turn this time is Thor, The God of Thunder.

Like every other super-hero film, we have to get the "origin story" out of the way, which is how we learn where the hero comes from, where he gets his power and so forth. Thor was born into power, the son of Odin, and future king of Asgard, a mystical world in a parallel universe to our own. Sitting on the side-lines is Loki, Thor's brother, who also has his sights on the kingship and is quite the trickster. We flash forward to when the boys are now adults and a ceremony is taking place where Odin (Anthony Hopkins) is apparently about to pass the kingship to Thor (Chris Hemsworth), but is interrupted mid-announcement by an invasion of Frost Giants, bitter enemies of the Asgardians that were thwarted by Odin many years previous. Although the Giants are quickly defeated, Thor takes this as an act of war and tries to convince his father to march on the Giants. Odin tells him to stand down, which he initially obeys, until goaded into action by Loki (Tom Huddleston). Thor and his compatriots, The Warriors Three, travel to the Frost Giant's home-world of Jotunheim, along with Loki and Thor's childhood friend Sif, to confront their king, Laufey (Colm Feore). A battle ensues, and with Thor and company facing certain doom, Odin intervenes and transports them back to Asgard, in effect quashing the treaty he had forged with them centuries before. Once back, Odin banishes Thor to Earth, stripping him of his power and his mystical hammer, Mjolnir, for his arrogance and disobedience. Odin sends the hammer to Earth after Thor, with an enchantment that only the worthy may wield the hammer.

Not pictured: Mjolnir, but still a pretty bad-ass hammer.

Once on Earth, Thor meets up with astrophysicist Jane Foster (Natalie Portman), and attempts to get his hammer back. During this sequence we get our first peek at one of The Avengers, Hawkeye, but only recognizable to true comics fans. Thor tries to retrieve his hammer, but is still unworthy of wielding it, as per his father's enchantment. He is captured by S.H.I.E.L.D., but is quickly sprung by Foster and her colleagues.
Meanwhile, things are going on back at Asgard, and that's where things get heavy, and I stop talking about them to not reveal too much more of the plot. All I can say about it is they aren't big twists that you don't see coming, especially if you have any knowledge of the characters in the first place. It's pretty easy to tell who the good guys and bad guys are early on, no mystery there.

Seriously? No twist?

Being that this is a piece of a grander project, I see where it fits in the scheme of things. I thought that it felt a bit hurried as opposed to other origin pictures, it seemed to me that Thor's redemption should have taken longer, but it doesn't kill the movie. I also felt the 3-D wasn't totally necessary, it made a few things pop vibrantly, but wasn't as stunning as my last 3-D experience. Overall it was a faithful adaptation of the Marvel character, although I don't remember Thor having the whole beard thing for the better part of his comics career, but that's just a small detail. The costuming for all the characters was beautiful, I especially liked Loki's look, being that I thought he had one of the ugliest costumes in comics history. I would have liked the film itself to have been a bit longer, but it was entertaining, nonetheless. Now I kind of want to see Captain America on the big screen, something I previously wasn't even considering.

6 out of 10 Fists.

Top 10 Best Zombie Movies

If you don't believe that the zombie apocalypse is coming, than you are one of the people who is most likely to become lunch first. Rigorous watching of zombie films and other related material are sure ways to ensure at least a small degree of survivability when the flesh eaters eventually over-run the planet. For those that wish to live past Day One, repeated viewings of the next 10 films will definitely give you a leg up on the rest of your walking-buffet brethren. (Writer's Note: I intentionally did not include any of the Resident Evil franchise, or either House of the Dead films. I like the video games too much.)

#10. Night of the Living Dead. The original from 1968 that really kicked off the genre, George A. Romero's classic will always stand the test of time. Although not the first full-length zombie film (that distinction goes to the 1932 film White Zombie, starring legend Bela Lugosi), this film is the source of inspiration for every other zombie film to come, even though a great portion of them were also done by Romero. While this film was not only ground breaking in the genre, it was also heralded for casting a black man in the hero's role in the midst of a cast full of whites, which, given the recent assassinations of Malcolm X and Martin Luther King, Jr., was unheard of. Romero said there was no racial motivation to the choice, however, simply stating that he (Duane Jones) gave the best audition.


#9. Dead & Breakfast. Two things you don't readily associate together in the annals of film-dom would be musicals and zombie flicks, but Dead & Breakfast does just that. Although not heavy on plot, this one makes up for it in campy-ness and gore, while also throwing in songs and dance numbers. Displaying a surprising cast for an "under-the-radar" film, featuring such notables as Jeremy Sisto, Portia de Rossi, Jeffery Dean Morgan and the late David Carradine, this is an entertaining zombie romp quite like no other. Popcorn fun at it's disgusting, bowel-ripping-ly best, and a great date flick, if your date and yourself are zombie lovers that enjoy musicals as well.



#8. Dead Alive. Before Peter Jackson was an Oscar winner and thin, he was Peter Jackson, fat-guy auteur of one of the bloodiest films to date. With lines like, "That's my mother you're pissing on!", and "I kick ass for The Lord!", Jackson's second feature length film was far from Oscar material, but reveled in it's gory effects and low-brow humor. Featuring the Sumatran Rat Monkey and it's devastating bite with a love story sprinkled in between, this is required viewing for any fan of the genre, and showcased as creative a use of power tool as another horror great, Evil Dead II.  Although it's nice to see what he's doing these days, this and his earlier work Bad Taste are Jackson's TRUE masterpieces.



#7. Dawn of the Dead (2004). A remake of George Romero's sequel to his original, human survivors band together in a mall to fortify against the zombie hordes. Where the original featured the struggle between the human element as well as defending against the undead, this version focuses more on the survival aspect. Opening with Johnny Cash's haunting "When the Man Comes Around", things devolve quickly when a patient is brought in to the local hospital suffering from bites from a homeless person, which is casually referred to by the medical staff. The resulting zombie outbreak quickly sweeps the area, punctuated on-screen by great visuals and effects.

#6. Slither. Not your typical zombie flick, this one features alien parasites that turn their victims into zombies, so, in my eyes, that qualifies it as a zombie flick. Horror veteran Michael Rooker leads an All-Star Hollywood Sci-Fi Line-up featuring Nathan Fillion, Elizabeth Banks, and Jenna Fischer. At first criticized as a shameless rip-off of  '80s cult classic Night of the Creeps, this film found a voice of it's own upon release with it's dark humor and hilarious casting of Gregg Henry as Mayor Jack McCready, easily the best performance of the film, and over-the-top special effects. They even had time to throw a love story or two in this one as well.




#5. The Return of the Living Dead. The first zombie flick to feature zombies that craved brains, because they helped with "The pain of being dead.", this also featured zombies that were "smart" and could talk and coordinate. Released in 1985, this film has the zombies being created by a toxic gas that is spread by a rainstorm, directly over a graveyard some punks are partying in. '80s Scream-Queen Linnea Quigley
is memorable for her scenes as Trash, the naked punker who gets zombie-fied  in the first wave.

#4. 28 Days Later. Featuring zombies created by a "rage" virus, these guys ran through the streets and tore everything to shreds. Transferred through blood, and not necessarily through the old stand-by method of biting, anyone could fall victim at any time, and that was the least of your problems. Human survivors had expectantly devolved into an anarchistic society; as a woman, you had the ever present fear of rape on top of having to pick up and run at a moment's notice. That's true fear: an enemy you know and one you don't, facing you on all sides. Unfortunately, the zombies are the enemy you know.

#3. Dead Snow. This Norwegian import has the distinction of being the first zombie movie in the snow.  They have to be quick zombies, of course, to be able to maneuver through said snow, and they also have quite a bit of intelligence on their side to coordinate attacks. But, to top it all off, they are also Nazi zombies. Can you think of a more vile and repugnant creature than a zombie? The only way to make it worse is make it a Nazi, the most vile and repugnant set of humans to walk the earth, or snow for that matter. Featuring enough dark humor to keep the viewer unbalanced, future zombie auteurs can learn a thing or two from this foreign gem.

#2. Shaun of the Dead. The film that introduced Simon Pegg and Nick Frost to audiences across the pond from their native U.K., this was the film touted as "A Romantic Comedy with Zombies", and that was an understatement. Loaded with veteran British comedic actors such as Bill Nighy, Martin Freeman, and Dylan Moran, there are times, albeit briefly, that you forget you are watching a gory zombie movie. Frost and Pegg are perfectly cast as best mates, a pair of slackers who even try to slack their way through the zombie apocalypse.

#1. Zombieland. Barely edging out Shaun of the Dead for the #1 spot is 2009's Zombieland, a movie that literally has it all: violence, comedy, violence, love story, violence, buddy moments, violence and Bill Murray. Jesse Eisenberg is perfectly cast as "Columbus", a guy just trying to find his family, and Woody Harrelson is even better as "Tallahassee" a guy just trying to find a Twinkie. Like Shaun, comedy is spread liberally throughout this film, with the best coming from the much improvised cameo with the aforementioned Murray, and Columbus' rules for survival. The Yang to Tallahassee's and Columbus' Yin are Emma Stone as "Wichita" and up-and-comer Abigail Breslin as her sister "Little Rock", a pair on their own road to survival who must eventually team up with the guys to help ensure their survival. Although everyone on board for this one has expressed interest in doing the sequel, it has stagnated in development hell, possibly never to see the light of day, and leaving this as a true gem of zombie filmdom, and a (new) classic of American cinema.